No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
