I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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