i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
