so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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