she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
