i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
