i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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