Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We're too hungover to prance.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
