omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
