when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
In America we eat man semen.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
