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just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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