I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Randomize
