i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
