from now on my penis is your penis
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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