Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
