so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
