I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
