i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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