Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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