don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
