I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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