i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
