you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
