do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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