I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
