i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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