Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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