you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
