Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
