Jerry, you need to find god
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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