Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
