He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
