It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
