We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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