I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
