I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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