this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I am midnight drunk by noon
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
