i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
