I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
