i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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