I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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