So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
