every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
