don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
