During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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