totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
