In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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