these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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