Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
