I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
