So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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